Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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