everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
well, you know. whores of a feather.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
