My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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