just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
