Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
