I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Randomize
