Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
