I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I need moral support for this bender
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize