Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
