Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
