These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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