I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
This show inspires me to have sex in space
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
