I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
