This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
