I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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