Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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