Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
