Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
