when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
