Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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