i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
