Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
