he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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