If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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