I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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