One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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