I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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