If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
