So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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