I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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