i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
God, I missed his penis.
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