hotel room ftw
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
