I looked at my own cervix.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
