Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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