Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I think I just shit out all my problems.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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