"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
