8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
