I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
