Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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