I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
