Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
