mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
