I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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