what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
