I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
