I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
