so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
