Swine flu. Run for my life!
i used baking grease as lip gloss
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
