Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
