yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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