he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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