Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
