OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
