I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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