East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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