Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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