but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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