Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
