You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
