I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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