I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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