I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
