Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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