yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
