Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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