It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Randomize
