I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
