Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
