the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
