I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
