I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
