hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
