This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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